Andante · Andante ( Vierra ) - Seandainya
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Dear Pesutku!♡
Selamat 1 tahun kenal aku di dunia nyata, tanggal ini adalah awal aku jumpa dengan dirimu serta masuk ke perangkapmu♡ Hahahaha lol! Jangan marah ya setelah baca pesan panjang ini. Kamu perlu tau apa yang aku rasain. Anggep aja wasiat haha :p Here we go!
I wrote this in the middle of night while listening to Apa Mungkin by Bernadya, and right now I'm feeling so blue, I miss u so bad but it's hurt idk why. I hate myself, why I have this overthinking, it will come when you're not beside me or when you just ignore me with your games (it's totally fine actually, that's your hobby tho).
These days, I feel so insecure. About my life, my appearance, and my... everything! I feel that I'm not that good enough for you too. Hmmmmm. Also, I hate the feeling when I miss you so much but you seem not. Somehow I feel unwanted. Everytime I call you, you never call me back. Many reasons. Everytime I need you, you just disappear or slightly slow response. You seems soooooo busy and cold yaa when we're not together. Make me feel not that important to you. I'm not asking you to give me a whole time anyway, I just want to hear what you do, what you're gonna do, or maybe you can ask me back? I just want you to love me, do what the lovers do.
I hate you when you reply to my counter with "Cari aja yang lain sana" >> make me feel, ohhhh banditttt sekali yaa ini bocaaah. Nggak ada hibur-hiburannya acan orang lagi pundung malah suruh cari yg lain :) gemash deh acuuuuuu!
Hmmm,
I always wait when you need me so badly. It's a bad idea, but I only feel your love when you need me :(( Elah lo! You're being so cold after that. Perhaps you didn't realize it. Or you just don't give a damn about it. As you can see, I will always and always be there for you. I will fight for you. Will do any effort for you, cause it's easy to love you. But, not with you. You seem so hard to love me, why Ernesto? Eto? Nesto? Ernest? Why? Apa yang lagi kamu kejarrr? :(((
Loving me it's easy, Ernesto. I don't need your instagram password or any social media you have, no need to share your phone lock, no need to read your chat to others, even I'm not asking you to delete your tinder account or asking why you follow this account, never right? Fyi, I never again check your followers and your Get Contact since the day we broke up. Because knowing the truth from the universe it's so hurt af.
Now, I give up asking you ah, to post me on your instagram stories (not feeds yaa!). You said "Sabar dulu sih". Okee, but no. Aku gamau nunggu dan gamau minta lagi wkwkw. Mungkin emang ada hati yang dijaga gak sie? Oh, nggak. Akunya aja yang ga cakep.
Yup, after all I'm risking my trust here. I trust you but at the same time I have trust issues. Kamu tau, aku benci segala pikiran yang ada tentang kamu saat kita jauh. Iya jauh. Kamu yang bilang kan jarak kita jauh. Kadang sikap kamu itu mendukung banget overthinking aku. Aku bisa apa kalo lagi di kondisi itu? Ya nangis. Karena kalo mau minta kamu berubah sedikit ajapun, aku kayak ga punya kapabilitas deh? Lagian kamunya juga ga bakalan mau. Kalo bukan dari kamunya. Sama kayak untuk kasih aku sunflowers :p BERCANDA!
Hmm, sampai di ketikan ini pun, aku jamin, kamu pasti cuman merespon "Panjang banget".
Loving me it's easy, Ernesto. No need to meet everyday actually, as long as you tell me what you do on that day. Or even no need to sleep-call. Hahaha. Aku paling seneng kalo kamu ajak aku makan! I understood your situation. Makanya aku selalu kecewa tiap kamu nolak ajakan aku tanpa alasan yang jelas atau perkara KAMU MALAS bikin aku mikir >> ooh aku lagi ga dibutuhin nih :) tapi yaudahlah namanya juga bumbu-bumbu relationshit.
Loving me it's easy, Ernesto. You know what you should do. You know everything about me. You know what I need. In case, you're not knowing me that much: yuk pdkt lagi :) Tapi kamu emang tipe cuek bebek dari pabriknya sihh. Bisa affa akuuh :( lol
I try to understand you and I do. And I hope you do too! To be a better person and grow up with you is a great idea. I wrote this just to let you know what I've been through these days. Perang batin dan otak tiada henti perihal hidup mati dan ini itu terus terkadang nambah sikap kamu yang hadeh. Tapi ya, I still love you that much. Ku terima sudah kurang lebih mu. ☺
IT WAS FEEL SOOOO NICE WHEN YOU SUDDENLY, OUT OF NOWHERE, YOU GIVE ME A TRULY AFFECTION. For example, when you come to Bogor. YOU KNOW? I'M SUCH A HAPPY GIRL THAT DAY! Oooh, also when you FINALLY WANT TO TAKE A PHOTOBOX WITH ME! OR when you spam me with video-video receh di DM, and make me laugh out loud! And when you eat what I cook for you. And then when you just casually compliment me :) I feel like you are the best thing I ever met and I will love you and be there for you for a thousand year ahead! Hahaha! Thank you so much for that. I really appreciate many moments as long as with you.
See, I may get angry, jealous, but remembering many lovely days with you and your kindness to me, make me forget for a while why I hate you, that was my power to love you easily. Even you... ah sudahlah! :)
Inget ya: For now, I still love you. Gatau kalo besok. Kayaknya tambah tambah love you. HAHAHA coba udah lama kan ga ngegombal. Emang ya pdkt itu lebih indah :)
Sekali lagi ini hanya curhatan hati ku, supaya aku lega. Aku ga minta apa-apa. Sibuknya kamu dan aku beda juga. Tapi sesibuk apapun aku, notif yang paling aku tunggu sihhh ya bunyi watsap darimulah. Gatau deh kamu gitu juga ngga ya? :') Apa merasa keganggu?? Maaf deh. Hahaha. Dan supaya kamu tau aja. What's going on my head.
Anyway, selalu ada kamu di doa masa depanku. Meski kamu (pasti) masih aja bingung dengan perasaanmu sendiri. Gapapa, biarkan ini mengalirrr saja. Namun jangan sampai mampet ya. Kalo ada masalah biasain ngomong, aku bukan dukun sayang♡
Last but not least, Juli nanti, good luck! Tons of luck for you! I have a tons wishes for you too! Aku juga deg degan asal kamu tau! Aku takut kamu di apa-apain wkwkwk Semoga ga slengean yaa anak-anak itu! Aku siapin hati juga karena kamu bakalan super sibuuuuuuk banget. Aku akan perbanyak sabar ku dech aw. Bak Halodek dan Emsidi, aku akan 24 hours ready for you :p Doaku selalu menyertai setiap langkahmu. And I will always love you now and forever. Stay with me? Lesgo to Japan!♡
I love you so much♡♡♡♡♡
xoxo,
pacar kamu satu-satunya (semoga),
Brisben Ruby11
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